You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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