you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
