tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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