Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
