Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
