i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
