So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize