You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
