worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
