does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
