The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
