Me too!
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
