Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
