Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Your cock deserves a montage
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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