I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
