every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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