I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
