hotel room ftw
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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