I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
