I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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