if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Drunk is a universal language darling
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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