Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
