hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
