So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
