We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
