FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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