dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
