I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
