I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
