So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
