it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My ATM looks so different sober.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
