just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
