just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
