I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
