listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
