JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
