u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
