Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize