Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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