I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
