Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
