i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
