i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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