Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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