i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize