K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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