just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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