did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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