My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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