lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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