Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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