Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
