my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
