I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
