coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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