I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
