I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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