at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
