if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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