I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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