Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
