Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
