My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize