Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize